Sometimes it just hurts!

I was looking for a picture of my dad, and I just don't have nearly enough! When I was in highschool my dad was diagnosed with CLL (chronic lymphosytic Leukemia) he went through a few rounds of chemo, and we were all happy when it went into remission and life seemed to go on as before. After my second year of University I felt unsettled about going back to Lethbridge and decided that I would work on my studies by correspondence so that I could still be at home. I started working, and continued my schooling; within 2 months my dad was told that he would need to have a bone marrow transplant, it was his only chance at survival. He spent most of the year in the hospital, I took on doing my best to help with the mortgage, grocery's Christmas, taking care of my 3 younger siblings (2 of which were still in junior high) and making regular trips to the hospital to see my dad. Jordan came home from his mission, and shortly we were engaged. We decided to have a quick wedding because I wanted my dad to be there. My Dad was released from the hospital the day before we were married, then he got to see me bring 3 beautiful children home. It has been almost 7 years, and we have watched my dad get his life back, and gain strength. 2 weeks ago my dad was starting to feel unwell, and was finding that he was winded easily. These last 2 weeks have been a roller coaster that has taken us to the phone call that I received last night from my dad. He has cancer again, and we are back to battle grounds. My dreams have been tormented for the past 7 years, my heart has been full, as we experienced birthday and holidays together as a family and now I just hurt! I don't want to fight this fight again, I am mad that I waited soo long to take my dad on that one on one date that I have been thinking about. I am scared that I am not strong enough, have enough time, or that I won't be able to juggle my schedule as well as I would like.

My dad is ready to fight, and so am I, but sometimes it just hurts!